Well, I wonder, how did your Christmas work? Besides the Christain story there is so much loss and darkness around Christmas remembering those who have passed on, and the tremendous stress of the pandemic it is difficult to let go and just enjoy family and friends. In addition, the rot of materialism sinks into the soul and steals the joy one ought to have instead creating stress and anxiety. To crown it all there is the pandemic, a new wave, and new fears and trauma, on guard all the time, and there is no changing of the guard, or is that a possibility?

There are two main issues here, the pressure of modern life the greed and materialism thrust getting and wanting, but not always needed, and the pandemic, which has one always on guard continually keeping us in a state of ongoing trauma but not always allowing us to recover in the normal way one recovers from trauma, because in the case of the pandemic the trauma continually exists, creating new waves with mutations, and irresponsible behavior of individuals and groups, who desperately want to get out and party, probably need to party in the hope of relieving the constant ‘being on guard’.

So what is normal? the feelings of fear and being ‘on guard’ are normal, not mad as we might sometimes think. Now that the thrust and fears around Christmas are over this awful pandemic gives us an opportunity to revise, and review our priorities, to fight back against the rot of materialism, and recover our souls.

In the wake of so much loss and suffering, it is also ‘normal’ to want to do something to block out the reality of what is going on in the world outside, overusing that old defense of denial which keeps us on guard and somewhat paranoid, but let’s stop for a moment and acknowledge what’s happening and plan to live in a more balanced way.

The end of things can bring us into places of darkness and fear, we can begin to feel the most awful feelings within us as we fight for survival on a global scale, and it is a fight maybe even a war. Have you perhaps noticed the problems you and others are having with nasty corrosive feelings such as jealousy and meanness these are part of human behavior anyway, but we try to cover up because after all, we are civilised? ?

It seems to me that being aware of these feelings creates an opportunity also, to stand still, and reflect on what we are doing, but this can be so difficult as they are often accompanied by rage. Come on if we are being honest we would like to crush this virus-like a bug but we are so frightened we put it under wraps, and in so doing we create warmth for its ability to keep us ‘on guard’.

So here we are at the portal of another new year! come on don’t foster the feelings of negativity stop and consider what is normal, what makes sense, stop blaming others, and take responsibility for yourself. Could it be that in order to crush this bug we need to begin psychologically by understanding our struggle to survive and dealing with our regressive feelings?

The shadow side of our personality is on the loose slipping about like a slimly filthy blob, but it is not stupid and is having a ball as it creates havoc in us as individuals. groups, and on a global scale. Look it in the face and it will slip back into its proper place, and you will recover your soul, and subsequently your light.

The new year comes embrace the light and hope stand to your feet and face forward experience your feet on the earth and imagine you are crushing covid19 and all its children.

COME ON LET US GET HIM/OR HER!

Christmas, in terms of the symbols portraying it, varies across the globe. The word,’ Christmas’ meaning ‘Christ Mass’ is essentially and traditionally owned by the Christian faith, however, the notion of the end-of-year celebrations has pagan origins, and the birth of Jesus took place possibly at the beginning of the new year.

The celebrations have now become something that has been hijacked by people and organizations worldwide, and have become imbued with materialism, greed, selfishness, to mention just a few. Such sentiments are outlined in the narrative of the great classic ‘A Christmas Carol’ embodied within the behaviour and lifestyle of the central character ‘scrooge’.It seems amazing that people’s attitudes have not changed for the better since the difficult times in which Dickens lived.

Septimius Christmas was a strange man he was a very funny shape and looked rather ridiculous his right side was very large, and his left side was thin and crooked. Septimius loved to travel, but since Covid 19 emerged that was becoming more and more difficult. , added to that he had become so out of balance that he often fell, and found it hard to get up. Septimius was often in extreme pain and fought hard for a daily and ongoing quality of life.

As Christmas came round he was determined to do something out of the ordinary, so he decided to travel all around the world and find out how everyone was preparing for the festival. He had had his booster so he felt it was ok, and he had a friend who, being a multimillionaire was able to take him in his jet.

So they set off and stopped to observe parts of each country Septimius was, in turn, deeply moved, and very angry at what he found. He noticed that there were many loving families and cultures where Christmas was coming together in a natural and loving way, whilst others were carrying on irresponsibility drinking, and carousing gathering all to themselves without thought for others.

In some parts, he saw such need that his huge misshapen body began to shake and copious tears poured out of it. What can I do he questioned himself? Almost immediately he felt, as it were, a hand on his shoulder, and a voice inside him said, fix yourself first, and then you will see clearly to help others, Septimius saw the wisdom of this and allowed the journey to help him balance his own life, he began to see how he could make a difference and challenge the rot of materialism which has infiltrated Christmas He also realized that tears are good for restoring our balance almost like they kind of wash you all over, and clear your vision.

Some years ago, part of my job, took me into homes for the severely mentally ill, my brief was to work with staff groups. The stories of the patient and staff pain as Christmas approached were horrendous, Families stopped visiting, and patient behaviour became more and more bizarre. The razmataz of Christmas induced lonliness and awakened deep trauma in the patient groups causing unbearable stress for the staff.

Christmas is a new beginning and is not about a carousing festival to indulge greed and selfishness, but about living its transformative message each day of your life. We are all sorrowing at the loss of celebration due to Covid and this is a huge loss, but with the loss, there is an opportunity Christmas is crying! What is it saying to you? Have you cried tears?

NOW, WHERE IS THE JOY, HOPE, AND TRANSFORMATION?

It seems to me that its almost a rite of passage’, for chefs to travel Europe, and other parts of the world to study and experience other methods of cooking both ancient and modern, it also seems that ‘old methods die hard’ and the flavor is the important result in all their cooking.

I grew up on a farm and, at that time there was just simple food, salt and pepper, and homegrown vegetables. Chickens were cooked plain but basted regularly throughout the process, and came out delicious they had, as it were, their own flavor and skilled cooked without additives drew this out. I am not against herbs and spices I use them myself, but I’m trying to follow the total craze for them which is going on now for a very long time.

when we reflect on the changes in the world prior to, and during the pandemic it seems as though the world has lost flavor, and without flavor, what do we savor? When one goes out now it is difficult to enjoy the flavor and savor the company, and it’s only afterward when we come home we can perhaps reflect or feel the enjoyment of meeting our friends. In my opinion, this is because we are always on guard so our energy for making connections and relating to others is used up by fear and anxiety. I sometimes think if we could see the infection walking towards us we’d hide beneath the table, or run away at the speed of light, but this contagion is a low mean operative seeking out its prey behindhand.

Keeping safe is our priority, and we all already know so much about that, but keeping safe, is not always easy, as it also depends on others keeping the rules, and being able to feel reasonably content within ourselves regarding our coping mechanisms. The soldier on century duty is eventually relieved from his post and has a break so we need to understand how to keep safe and be able to ‘stand down’ and have a safe break. Walking in a quiet area and observing nature is always helpful to me. If this is not possible for you then you may be able to access nature through television or radio. Essentially, though we need to get back to our breath and use our meditative skills to follow our breath through our bodies.

Recently, in a zoom study group I was asked to remember a time when I had been favoured. I could not think of one until later. It was many years ago when I was in hospital away from home and received 15 bunches of flowers.Flowers were no longer allowed on wards but the nurses built them into a corner so we could all enjoy them, they said they did it because I was a stranger away from home and family. This remarkable kindness and thoughtfulness had a great effect on me at the time, and still has, it gave me, at the time, the will to fight to live.

Lets practice kindness and thoughfulness so we can help ourselves, and others, and be respectful to our own needs and to others favouring is not doing a favour, it is engaging with your own needs for appropiate care, and doing the same for others. If we add this practice into our meditative way of life it will take on lasting flavor and we will savor the experiences for life. Dont blame others do it yourself!

COOK WELL!

hrough

Recently I reread my advent blog from last year, and perhaps, not surprisingly, the situations we are living in, and attempting to live with, are virtually unchanged. However even as I write I am convinced that we are to some degree in a worse situation, and thousands are struggling to maintain their mental health.

A serious problem with underground behavior, such as terrorism is the hidden and unknown parts of it for when we know something we are more equipped. to deal with it. The pandemic is like living with terrorism and being constantly on guard. Furthermore, just when we think we have the upper hand like with the vaccines we end up faced with the terrorist’s new tactics [mutations]

Advent is about waiting with expectation and hope for the coming of a messiah who will be the saviour. In terms of the virus, we are in need of a saviour and are waiting and working with courage but doesn’t our courage falter and leak from our very faucets as ‘the creature’ rises up again, and again. In a way, our courage has to be fuelled by our resilience and absolute determination to never give in.

Advent is also about ‘new birth’ and it’s time to birth new approaches to courage and hope in our current circumstances. I’m quite sure if I could hear you I’d get the brunt of your rage and frustration and probably be accused of being a real silly ass but I’m calling to you to summon up your courage and open your mind to new approaches so we can with courage and hope face the immediate and ongoing future.

Courage is often kick-started and maintained by being in the presence of an encouraging other, whether on phone, walking at a distance, online or some other device it is possible to be present in an encouraging, hopeful, and compassionate way.

In the Advent story, Mary and Joseph were faced with being treated as outcasts of their community and society because of their cultural backgrounds, but they faced up to the task with courage, this is not a sermon, and I,m aware that for many people it will be very difficult again this Christmas as you may have been bereaved during the year, or it feels like bereavement already not to have your family with you in a safe way at Christmas. You long for your grandchildren and wonder will you ever see them again?

As older persons, we need to stand firm and hold the younger members of the population with our courage and determination, and even our imagination, to have Christmas with its true meaning and in a new way, not a mutation, but a new birthing of the celebrations.

Recently, whilst watching the chef’s programs for Christmas I noticed how they were making changes in the traditional foods, sometimes bringing in new things, and at other times changing them with new flavors the turkey usually remained but the surroundings on the table were subtly changed.

Let’s take Mary and Joseph’s example re courage and keep Christmas in our hearts and give it new flavors and meaning in love for our families and friends.

I’m calling all you parents and grandchildren and other seniors to support and stand for our families and loved ones to have Christmas and be innovative with new flavors.

TAKE A STAND!

Finding oneself can be difficult enough, working in jobs where self-awareness is required is extremely taxing, and more especially when through stress and trauma we lose sight of who we are and exist, as it were, by the skin of our teeth. In many cases, we may try to hide our issues through denial, and drive ourselves on with our inner whip– a saboteur which is only too ready to punish us with what we SHOULD OR OUGHT to be doing. Of course, it then follows that we feel ashamed, and worst of all we don’t share our feelings and needs as we could.

In a dangerous, and yet beautiful swamp in South America there lived a large crocodile, named leviathan who had command of all the other creatures who lived with him. For the most part, he was obeyed for he ruled by fear, and absolute terror, and he had ‘first dibs’ on any poor soul who fell into the smelly and often hidden swamp where he lived. However, it seems all creatures have a master and he was no exception, down deep in the swamp there lived ‘The Prince of Darkness’ he lived in a fine castle crafted out of the bones and filth of others and demanded absolute obedience from them. Leviathan had been in his house several times taking orders and abuse from him. He knew there was a door in the house which he was never allowed to see but, at times, light emanated from it. Leviathan wished to could see in there but was too scared to ask.

However, Leviathan, as the ancient name implies, was a twisted character, and one day when he knew the ‘Prince of darkness’

was having a nap he went down to his lair and pushed open the door, quietly and just a small bit, what he found stunned him. He could see all kinds of beautiful creatures mixing with ugly ones, and emanating many different types of light. He pulled himself together and went back to his quarters before the tyrant woke up.

The story above points to the different aspects or parts of a person, and also that these parts can be damaged or hidden but in the journey of self-awareness can be discovered and managed by our central ego so that once again they can interact as a well-tuned orchestra.

Central to this work is exploring and understanding our ‘narrative’ and recognizing that we can change the script editing out the destructive parts.

The core of this work is about naming and coming to know each part, as they become known they return to their position within your personality and psyche.

Leviathan has come into its own in fairly recent time and can be seen in the twisted nature and attitudes of many powerful people and institutions. It is particularly evident in the dynamics of the pandemic, where selfishness and lack of consideration for others abounds. On the other hand, the opposite is true as it’s noticeable how individuals and groups are becoming more compassionate and resilient.

Is important to stop for a moment and remember that the ongoing insidious effects of the pandemic have us constantly on guard, some more than others, and we do not always make rational decisions as we are lacking a secure space and constantly struggling with the unbearable nature of events, and in some cases our difficult histories.

KNOWING AND NAMING ARE IMPORTANT DON’ T DESPISE THEM!

To a large degree we, during this pandemic, to date have been ruled by fear and frustrated by going forward three steps and back four never having a clear framework to knock against for support, and without evidence-based information to hang our hats on. Human beings do not appreciate being stuck , and according we become very stressed. Some schools of thought view the aftermath of the lockdowns and restrictions as likely to cause much more damage to our health and well-being, than the virus itself.

We come again to the central issue of knowing self, managing self, grounding self, and returning to self when we have been under stress through supporting others in a time of deep uncertainty. It’s as though our body jumps the systems so frequently that the cortisol and adrenaline are potentially becoming worn out. We now know so much about trauma including our mechanisms to deny, dissociate and detach from it, but in my opinion, we have not, as yet learned how to live with ongoing and insidious trauma.

In previous blogs, we have looked at sound ways of keeping safe, but these are not sufficient for this purpose

In the story of Leviathan fear kept him from challenging the saboteur so he remained frustrated and controlled challenging our fear of knowing ourselves, acknowledging our

.

In the last blog, we were looking at triangular relationships some of which are useful and good examples of supportive connections. There are many triangular connections within relationships which, when identified demonstrate to us unhealthy ways of living, for example, the triangle identified by Karpman 196

1 as a model of social interaction. The model identifies ways of behaving and connecting to others, and of which we are largely unaware until we are brought to a halt and find ourselves in need of examining those connections. Karpman identified the triangle as being rescuer victim and persecutor, we as individuals can alternate between these states and remain caught in the triangle unable to get out. To some degree it is game playing, but whilst we are at it we do not win or find the way out It is when we stop to take stock that we can become aware of our game playing and begin to change our behaviour and step outside the circle.

In his book, ‘The body keeps the score’2015 Van Der Kolk describes working with patients suffering from the after-effects of the Vietnam war and leaves one with a strong sense of how our bodies deal with the imprint of traumatic experiences, breaking down the sense of self and negatively affecting our lives and recovery. He continues with many stories and pictures of human development which need to be repictured for our healing. In particular, he cites Bowlby,s theories regarding the need to address deprivations experienced from mothers. He examines the beautiful pictures of ‘the dance of attunement’ in which the baby is described connecting with mother through face and voice tone and bodily and spiritual holding.

Another very usual example of a kind of triangular curse is the interconnected triangles within the family dealing with addiction. In order to keep the family together, family members take up roles and are codependent containing the addict or addicts within the family and enabling their addiction. All very well to state this but what happens if the family falls apart could it be that any family is better than none?

Thanks again to Linda Hanlon who reminds us of the compulsion to repeat and reenact old ways of behaving. In The Boby Keeps The Score [Ibid] the author tells a story of a young woman who had been gang-raped at gunpoint, after treatment, she did well and then became a prostitute.

In order to go on a healing journey we need another with us who is on the same wavelength:

The roots of resilience: are to be found in the sense of being understood by and existing in the mind and heart of a loving, attuned, and self possed other. Diana Fosha in The Body Keeps the Score [ Ibid]

The large and in depth topic of self awareness and personal agency keeps on emerging and is only touched at the tip in this blog however the previous scenario of the worker Zacharias highlights a lose of self and consequent personal agency, rebuilding these requires that ‘other’ who can stand in the gap left by the loss of them and the consequent reenactment of previous losses and unresolved issues.

The ongoing and insidious nature of the pandemic has stretched our stamia and strength to such a degree that we fear there is no ‘other’ that can stand beside us , dance with us, through our loss and regression because the pandemic has regrssed them also. Caring for others is risky and wounding learn to reknow yourself and pace your giving.

DO NOT CONNECT WITH THE OTHER IF YOU HAVE NOT WASHED YOURSELF.

Well what happened next to Zacariah? He had felt some renewal following his struggle to get up into his favourite tree and his subsequent sojourn up there. Coming down to earth was another matter.

You, will by now realise that the story of our friend Zachariah is one of a pastor or therapist who for the last 19 months has been both traumatised on his own behalf, and vicariously traumatised by the dilemna’s of his client population. The thing is because we have all been in the pandemic together it’s hard for even the most disciplined professional worker to find the dividing line between self and other, and even then the most dedicated worker may have insufficient support to debrief from the traumatic work in our current sureal world. It is hard to manage when we are only half alive, clinging on by a fragile leaf at the top of a very high tree, the ground very far below.

We can, l’m sure easily imagine that although he had been professionally trained, and had some supervisory support Zachariah couldn’t get back to normality by simply taking a day off. On the first night, following his tree experience he woke at three am from some very disturbing dreams and could not get back to sleep until five. As well as feeling very anxious he felt guilty and ashamed because he thought he should be ashamed of himself for not coping. ”know this ground anyone?”

The following day he was unable to relax or meditate, but then he remembered a simple calming exercise which could hold him for the interim so he settled himself and breathed deeply 4 times and told himself he was now calm.This also focused him and he thought more clearly about what he needed to do. He called in sick, and made an appointment to see his supervisor and therapist.

A further struggle began when the time came to keep these appointments as he had a problem with going out and feeling safe, he was on the alert.It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see the signs of PSD note I have not said PTSD as that is not necessarily the case.

Finally Zacharias managed to meet with his supervisor and also with his therapist who were skilled and wise persons. In each case they themselves were well grounded and had arranged their facilities to allow Zacharias to feel in control, knowing where the door was and how long each session was was normal enough but a further invitation was given to him that he could leave ahead of the session ending at any time if he did not feel safe his chair allowed him to see the door.

The sessions continued for some weeks with the therapist quietly holding him by his skill and wisdom this allowed Zacharias to have control and feel safe. During this time attention was paid to the trauma and vicarious trauma experiences.

The above events opened the worker’s understanding as to how this had happened to him.The pandemic had caused so much pressure for himself as a person and also the work he was doing was so close to his own experience that he over identified with his clients and lost his sense of self.

In the earlier blog I spoke of Zacharias’s experience in the tree when he asked himself, who am I? Where am I going? What do I need to get there? Finding himself again was his next goal redefining his vocation and knowing himself and his personality where part of his central work. What he needed to do this was to travel with his therapist through his history and personality narrative until he reached a place where he could engage with his spiritual guide and engage a ‘higher power’ to come to know himself in a new and healthy way.

Each of us need a framework to ‘ undertake this ‘self awareness work’ For the christian it involves following in the footsteps of Jesus stepping into his consciousness and for others it means finding a meaningful framework within their life philosophy and choosing a therapist who works from that perspective.

Note how Zacharias began his journey with sitting in the tree and observing all around him. In self awareness work we need to relate to and know how we are in the external world, and how this effects our internal world we need to hold this in juxtaposition to manage a healthy life.

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES IN NEXT BLOG.