The essential need for healthy living is balance.When we are balanced we are centred and grounded in reality rather than being continually anxious and panicked.The key to this is living the reflective life, when we develop our reflective skills we can connect all the parts of our being mind body and spirit, now this is not an overnight process, but a discipline which has to be learned.

In today’s world maintaining such discipline is difficult, to say the least, as we do not always know where we are from moment to moment. It is however really important to be determined to focus and rest in our breath. Isn’t it exciting to think that as we go about day by day our breath is travelling with us and through us carrying the necessary oxygen through us that we need. Sorry for being so simplistic, but so much is to the fore about breathing at the moment it seems important to highlight this, but also to add that when we are focused and grounded the amazing body which we possess can have the opportunity to connect in all it’s parts. Of course we can have illnesses which put us out of kilter but we may still be able to draw on reflective practices for our support and guidance.

There are many definitions of contemplative practices but, for me, it seems that being centred grounded and focused provides the space to contemplate and consider options and coping strategies.

History mindfulness and mindlessness are important in the above context. If you have a mental illness always consult your health professional. The traumatic impact of the pandemic has caused much regression in the global population, we can’t spend our day sitting as hermit’s contemplating our navels, no insult intended, so we tend to rush out and about in ‘Our zombie self’ to get things done and get back to safety.

So, in my view, its like this, My history is an important issue in managing my life, but perhaps more now in this crisis, as we must choose our approach to the current life situations, in a safe way for us. We need coping strategies to keep us in the ‘hear and now’and allow us to use a mindful approach to life. When out and about using our minds to observe everything around us and experience it with our senses.

Mindlessness is useful for reducing anxiety, and is part of our daily living where we have learned to do things automatically. So to conclude this reflection mindfulness, mindlessness and history have an important role in focusing and managing our daily living be aware of bringing them into balance.

I feel the above has real importance due to the isolation caused by the pandemic and the need for social distancing. In John Donne’s famous poem ‘No man is an Island’ he makes the point ‘No man is an island entire in himself’ ——– Everyone needs community, and now this central need which we met automatically within our culture does’t feel entirely safe, How do we overcome this?

It’s quite true no man is an island but he/she can develop an island, in terms of reflective space, within them and come up with innovative ideas for current living have you noticed this?

BREATHE!

Many of you will be familiar with, the fairy tale ‘The Emperor has no clothes’, and with the practice throughout the ages of hiding or putting forward views and or morals, that had they been put forward in plain language the writer would have been severely punished.

In the aforementioned story, a very vain emperor who was so proud he could not see clearly, in fact he was probably psychotic, appeared in a parade completely naked. Next we have the very famous remark made by a child, ‘The Emperor has no clothes’. Adults often hide and prevaricate concerning the truth, but you can often depend on a child to give you the plain unvarnished truth, that is until they are old enough and crafty enough to follow the practices of others and avoid punishment.

This story has a sound message for us relating to the pandemic we hide our vulnerability and do not accept it often because of fear and the sense of powerlessness and anxiety which comes with terror and trauma. Just consider how very few of us would dare to go on parade in our birthday suit, some of the more forward ones amongst us might, but even in today’s free age it’s possible most of us would be very embarrassed to be seen naked.

I suggest that we often go about concealing our powerlessness and vulnerability pretending to be strong and utterly invincible, I further suggest that when we do this we are far from safe., we are in denial of our vulnerability. There is no let up with this virus and we need to continue to be vigilant in a controlled and considered way.

I often find that when I rush out to do something I may not have the things I require to keep safe, our be in the grounded frame of mind that I need. It is strange to think that one needs to plan trips to the supermarket, and generally the things that previously were second nature to us.

Plan your trips, and tasks, after you have engaged in your grounding exercises and have considered your different options. Some people who like symbolism may even practice this like putting on your clothes and if this helps go for it ‘GOT IT’! In all we do we need to acknowledge our vulnerability protect ourselves and others by our good sense and courtesy.

This week I have been very angry at the casual behaviour of some people in a shop I had to go into. A whole family group were at the cash desk without masks or control of their children who were riding scooters through the store. I respect and care for people including children, but I found their behaviour insolent to say the least, and a slap in the face for those bereaved by the pandemic.

LOSS SHOULD BE RESPECTED CARE FOR YOURSELF AND OTHERS PLEASE PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON!

How often has one of your friends said to you”what planet are you on?” Iknow that has been asked of me many times. Sometimes it’s a joke, and other times its because we may be behaving unrealistically, or are somehow just out of it!

As circumstances re the pandemic continue to effect and restrict our lives it can feel surreal. These kind of feelings are due, in large, to the insidious trauma which has never gone away, we can feel so many negative feelings or literally feel frozen maybe moving as a zombie, carrying out our basic life needs without enjoyment or engagement there is a danger of becoming ‘stuck’ which is not helpful with our ongoing health needs.Being ‘stuck’ is a complex matter which I hope to address in ongoing blogs with the view to helping those of us who are able to manage this situation, feel better and live safely.

While walking down the street the other day I passed a new ‘Bonka’s shop on the high street ,and again I asked myself, ‘what planet am I on? There was that surreal feeling around it seemed that my feet and those of others did not quite touch the ground, and the very name of the shop was so foreign to the surroundings it emphasised the strangeness. It would be a bit far fetched to say that , at any moment I was waiting for aliens to come out of it, or at the very least, some giffgaffs doing an unconnected continuous dance, but there is a useful point here, we are living’out of it’ at times on another planet, so to speak.

I decided to visit the ‘nemisis’ and tackle it head on, after all why should I walk on my toes and not flat on the ground? I gathered my courage and entered, my! what a strange place?There was a sickly smell of sweetness, and strange items in the glass cases, no bacon sandwiches here! I asked about what they stalked and a very nice girl explained their produce to me. I pondered a moment and then excused myself.

You may feel, and you’d be justified, that this is a strange conversation,almost mad, I am trying to get you to see that the feelings of strangeness can be tackled by knowing what they are and doing what you need to, and or can to own them and find a way to cope day by day.

We all live in sane and insane places but we do not necessarily break down we can control and rationalise whats happening to us. The place ‘Bonka’s had new and strange things inside, it was not completely ‘Irish’ a new planet , if you like! However it also contained new acceptable things if you could trust and explore them If you feel stressed and think you are losing it, it’s quite likely you can take appropriate action to manage your stress and overcome it.

GROUND YOURSELF FEEL THE EARTH BENEATH YOUR FEET TRY TO GIVE EYE CONTACT FROM BEHIND THE MASK.M ore this next time.

Hi I’m fine and also Bonkas, have you noticed people are really amazing and not always truthful.? I have a son with Autism so I’m accustomed to him, and of course others, using that response when asked, How are you? For him he needs to deny any feeling of unwellness so he can continue to manage his world using his coping strategies. Denial has been very prevalent in the last 19 months and helpful and unhelpful in fairly equal amounts.

Here she comes again you might say! what is this about? I’ts simple really? very few people are totally fine at any time, and certainly not at the moment, oh the ‘Bonkas’ bit? well I’ve noticed that a lot of cute ice cream and dessert shops have been opening up all around my town I presume they are a chain, and they are called ‘Bonkas’. It has also occurred to me that at times I, and most of us are interchangeably fine and bonkers, in other words we are bordering on the psychotic, no disrespect intended, it is no joke.However it makes the point that we want to make a joke out of our feelings to cover up the truth, which is that we struggle to live as normally as we can, and fear we will go ‘Bonka’s’ completely bonkers with the stress.

Naming something is very useful , gives credence to it, and also honesty and genuineness with ourselves and to others. Too much denial, rather than being useful would drive one ‘Bonka’s’ as we are not then living in a balanced way and need to reground ourselves. living a reflective life helps one to examine with honesty and gentleness/genuineness how we are truly feeling, and to take action to change or cope with the feelings.

Negative feelings create negative behaviour and we may need to consider how we can manage what triggers the feelings and behaviours so we can begin or return to live in a more healthy and positive way. Knowing oneself is not for arrogance or abusive power but for the benefit of healthy living for self and other.

A deeply important attribute is our ability to meditate and follow our breath throughout our bodies linking into areas of disturbance and breathing into them. Reflective and meditative living are linked.

LET’S CONTINUE THIIS NEXT TIME. LOVE AND VALUE YOUR BREATH!

In the last few weeks people seem to be throwing caution to the winds , rather than seeing their choices restricted they are acting as if they had no choices,and as though other new choices couldn’t be made.Remember the old pedestrian crossing code ”stop, look, listen”look left, look right, look left again, if everything is clear cross the road. In today’s world we press a button, and wait for the green light little thinking is required.

We need to return to considering what we are doing and recover our thought processes. it’s as though these processes have fallen into disuse and we now often act on impulse.Ironic, isn’t it given how dangerous the world has become we are doing things at the danger line and ——— the consequences.When the danger light comes on we run for cover repeating the same type of behaviour and being unable to think about what we are doing.

Change your behaviour stop consider re-plan your day and life’s activities what is happening to us is we are dealing with a terror which won’t go away and is constantly pounding us. As we try to help each other sometimes we become distressed at the lack of our availability to support and help the other according to are usual standards, so when we stop and reflect we can still see the problem and the origin of our stresses look around inside and out of ourselves, and our environment and ground ourselves to take, wise appropriate and safe action.

I worked in flash point areas during ‘the troubles’ and one never knew where the terrorist was and where he would attack next. I see a parallel process here to a degree, but not completely things just don’t repeat, and have similar patterns without hope of chang e if you use your reflective lifestyle you will see possible ways to, ‘cross the road safely’ and be able to get to a new place on the other side. Don’t forget, as you use the notion stop, look listen, look left, look right, look left again,you are exercising your mental powers which are attuned to support new paths of action.

During the recent heatwave we were warned about conserving water but we still can have a shower and enjoy the stimulus this brings,whether you have a fancy power shower or just a basic trickle one the principle is the same enjoy the flow of the water and as you massage your body marvel at it massage your head and be astounded at what it does breath deeply and feel renewed new times will come, and you can help to make them.

LIFT UP YOUR HEART AND RENEW YOUR MIND STOP LOOK LISTEN REFLECT WAIT TO CROSS SAFELY

Hi, if you read these blogs you will know that I have been on an unscheduled break, and if you are anything like me you have been finding the heat hard to stick.

Breaks are central to our good health and enjoyment and this has come to the fore in the last months as people mourned for the little breaks they had been used to taking, and to coming back refreshed and full of ‘zoom’ to go on with life.

In the unfolding process as new things come to light the unconscious sometimes surprises us by bringing things to mind that we did not expect and we can want a break, to close down and run away maybe even climb into bed and curl up in that fetal position, and it is at times like this that we need the holding and containment of the safe place within our selves and in the holding and containing of the other.

Deeper unfolding has a difficult, [not quite the word.] and potential transformative opportunities and when we are with the difficult experiences and feelings it can be hard to see how we can experience renewal. Its a bit simplistic to consider the guys who looked out of the prison one saw bars, and the other saw stars, but its something to think about.In deep or ongoing traumatic experiences we, of course need to experience the listening, holding and containing of the other for what ever time it takes to come to feel healing. Trauma does not necessarily have to leave us with a black and white change to our worldview, when we experience healing we can develop an informed and transformed view of life.

One lady talked of the experience being like cleaning out her handbag and deciding to just carry what was now necessary, but it was important to put the things she took out in their proper place.

In the last two years we have been mourning breaks, loss, and been too fearful or lacking any opportunity to work these out, we did not have the previous experience of how to handle such an insidious infection, or, at first to realise that dealing with it affected all our health areas including our mental health.

I hope you have enjoyed any breaks you may have managed to have and are learning to build your new internal supports and coping mechanisms.If you have struggled and feel very unwell you should contact your health professional.

When under great stress the idea of opening up can seem like unravelling instead of unfolding and may be accompanied by huge anxiety and fear of complete breakdown.If this is you try to take a step back into the calm of reality and take control of your stress or contact your health professional if you need to.

The gentleman was doing well and unfolding his banqueting cloth but he got stuck when he came upon something horrible when encouraged to try again he found a beautiful coin worth a great deal both in money and memories. The experience transformed his life. Good and bad exist together in this world and can infiltrate each other but when we harness or core strengths and subsequent coping mechanisms amazing things occur.

REMEMBER THE STORY OF ALADDIN’S CAVE!

`

In the year 1970 three beautiful babies were born to three mothers on the same day. Martha’s baby was born breech and had to be delivered with forceps. Jillian’s was born normally, and Francis’s was born by caesarean section. Let’s imagine for the purpose of understanding regression and unfolding that each of these children grew up affected in different ways from their birth, and that these affects were evidenced throughout life, and most importantly at the regressive unfolding during the pandemic.Of course their birth was one of the first trauma’s each child suffered they did suffer others in the ensuing years.In addition they learn’t bad and good coping mechanisms some of which came from trans generational traumas carried unresolved through family generations.

It is too simplistic to assert that each birth fits certain behaviours as there are so many variables involved, however during the pandemic similar and different affects came to light, for example Martha’s mother found it difficult to cope with early difficulties with her daughter, the baby cried a lot and Martha had difficulties bonding with her not only did she leave her baby for long periods of time unattended, but she could not connect to her in many other ways. Francis felt a deep loss because she hadn’t seen her baby born and she couldn’t forgive herself for this. Jillian couldn’t feed her baby and carried this as failure and regret which made her over possessive and neurotic.

Birth is one of the first traumas in life, unfortunately some babies and mothers experience trauma whist baby is in the womb. Imagine, if you will the womb as a safe place, where in normal circumstances everything for babies food development and needs is provided, being born is a terror and the first thing a baby needs after birth is to see its mother’s face, because it is here that the first mirroring of love and altogether rightness is seen.If this happens it supports a beginning of rightness with self, the world and others. So begins mum’s holding and containing, and with growth, love care, and development eventually the child learns to hold and contain,him, or herself.

When trauma, and subsequent unfolding occur we are by it’s very nature, and the sheer terror of it likely to regress to survival mode, and consequently feel and see things from that perspective how or if this happens to us depends on many variables including our support system and coping mechanisms, and that amazing core resilience which many human beings have developed throughout their lives.

If you have had mental health problems always seek the advise of your GP before undertaking any new exercises but if you are able begin to understand many of us have become fearful and a bit paranoid because we are in survival mode and need assurance about many things which currently we cant have.

Nature can have a healing effect on us so let’s keep out in it if we can, it has the ability to renew and restore all our senses. Don’t forget balance is a very important sense so allow nature, and your faith , if you have one, to support you. Remember mother can only be ‘good enough’birth is only the beginning of a life of love and care we may find ourselves in a loving and caring and most importantly a balanced home environment. If you have difficulties unfold them in a safe place, and by degrees, make healthy coping mechanisms,and come to dwell in yourself and in the world in a safe and healthy way.

.HOW LOVELY IS YOUR DWELLING PLACE LORD OF HEAVEN AND EARTH PSALM 84