What a lift something different can bring, even if later, it turns out to be not quite what you expected. The bookThe boy, the mole, the fox and the horse by Haskey C which caused quite a stir when the animated version hit the screens during the Christmas period appeared to be accepted by most of those I talked to as a beautiful story for children others recognised a personal journey of recovery which possibly all of us need to undertake at some stage in our lives, yet others recognised the usefulness of aspects of it and took some of the pictures to share with friends who needed comforting, and or encouragement.

I take my cap off to the author, who in the book appears to be sharing a personal journey of reflection and a quite imaginative way of looking at this, expanding his thinking with the use of metaphor, and, in my opinion,very aptly, describing a journey of searching for a home within oneself.

I love the way the ‘lost boy’ comes first and then meets the three friends who help him and each other and share unconditional love between them. A lovely part is when the fox shares that he finds it hard to say how he feels and says he deals with this by saying, I’m glad we’re all here. I hope to look at this story more closely and draw out meaning, for now i feel it is really useful to think how to spread the love, in daily recovery from the effects of COVID including the deep psychological stress it causes.

One thing is for sure we need to begin each day by being at home with ourselves which

includes a loving acceptance of who we are even our imperfections. Somehow when we do this we are living life in a meaningful way, which in turn spreads to others , as we meet and deal with them.

During this pandemic it has been difficult for many of us to concentrate on reading and listening to audio devices, and in this wee book with a big personal input and possible output the author has allowed the power of the unconscious and imagination to shine out, but for some, it remains flat on the page, and then comes the animation!

Animation is a marvellous skill which has , for a long time, given so much pleasure to so many. The story takes on so many more dimensions makes the imagination live and becomes and enlightens the stuff of dreams.

Lets continue into the new year with love and kindness for ourselves and spread this to others and continue drawing out this stories depth of meaning.

LOVE IS LIKE JAM LOVELY BY ITSELF BUT MUCH NICER WHEN SPREAD ON SCONE OR CAKE AS THE MOLE REMINDS US.

Making and breaking connections can be discussed at length, from many different perspectives. I want to reflect on this topic from a historical and traumatic perspective. The irony is that in natural and so called ‘normal’ times’ everything is connected at some level.

Have you ever noticed some people, perhaps even yourself, are unable to be consistent in keeping up meaningful relationships? I mean they might disappear completely from your list of connections without as much as’a by your leave’. There may be a simple answer for this , but often if you reflect on whats happening in these cases you may find that the person concerned has a history of behaving like this, and may even have had a traumatic background and family history. Behaviours are frequently carried from generation to generation and could quite easily be trans generational trauma. Such behaviours can be changed through insight and a willingness to change, but where hurt and rage remain unprocessed the change will not be permanent.

From birth, and even from the womb we are by nature making connections, a lovely picture comes to mind, of an expectant mum and Dad resting on the bed listening to relaxing music whilst touching the pregnant bump and talking to the child within.Even if you are not very technical you can by imagination know that it possible that baby is aware of them and is being lovingly held by this process.

The devastation brought about by the pandemic has caused so much strain with its continuing insidious trauma stress that, we as a world population, have regressed to ‘survival mode’ and many are unable to reflect through this and consequently may be suffering difficult and ongoing mental health problems. I have mentioned in previous articles that, the virus behaves like a terrorist I would, at one time have said that we, in Northern Ireland knew a lot about this, but boy has the rest of the world caught up during my life time. It’s sneaky underhand ways of surviving are stressful most of all because so much of their carry on is unknown and we do not deal well with the unknown.

In recovery from the affects of the pandemic we need to give credence to the history carried within ourselves and our families, and on an outside level many are already doing this meeting with the ones and twos kind of toe dipping exercises in going out and about again, but whilst these engagements help they do not touch the root of the problems, the pain and loss of loved ones the depressive and downward drag coupled with lack of motivation to rise up and overcome, then there is the anxiety depressions sister who holds on with its disturbance and negativity. Here are then having wet our toes with surface connections amongst the ones and twos. Here is a story to illustrate how we mend our broken connections, and develop new friendship and other helpful groups.

Before I get into the story I would like to thank my good friends Linda and Jayne for their experienced and considered reflection on the above. I really liked Linda’s comments, and I am summarising, in which she describes, the other person, as needing a soft spot to land in us, and due to our own needs we do not have this either sufficiently, if at all. Jayne, however, speaks of ‘walking around a difficult person to continue to do what we know to be right.’ Jayne’s comments made me think of being on a walk in a park after a storm coming upon a tree across the path, and having to stop to consider my options.I could try to climb over it, but there are few foot holes, and the whole area is slippy, added to this the tree is huge.

Reflection in recovery is , for some of us, a new thing, in the sense of stopping to consider a problem, as in what might be considered our previous normal life we had no time to ‘stop and stare’ so it is time to hold unto the idea and practice of a meditative life, which if you think about it, is ‘a pro’ arising out of the pandemic.

Martha, a kind and skilled woman in her later years, lost dear friends in the pandemic, and has become increasingly anxious about going out and her attempts to do so cause much stress, on good days she will think through what she needs to do but find that, often she can’t get motivated to do it, and so she goes back on the downward trend. Martha does not give in and begins again and again to move forward stopping to consider new ways of going out and connecting. A major thing in Martha’s behaviour is that she stops and considers, reflects, and in addition, gives herself praise and rewards for small positive steps forward.

The problem with connecting in recovery must begin with ourselves checking out our physical and mental health so that we can determine whether we have space to help another person, at that point.A key problem in coming out in recovery is the need for confidence and trust in ourselves, when we have remastered this we may be ready to begin work and make connections with groups of people, this is something to be looked forward to in terms of the qualities groups and their support and activities bring to our health and development in balance it may also have negative effects if we are not ready for it.

Coming into a group from isolation is complex and the worker should recognise the needs of beginning relationships and use those skills to provide a holding environment a womb like environment

DO NOT ATTEMPT TO ENGAGE IN CARING ACTIVITIES IF YOU ARE NOT CENTRED AND ARE DEALING WITH, OUR HAVE DEALT WITH YOUR OWN GRIEF AND RAGE.

TAG MOVING ON

We have been reflecting on walking in recovery, with some use of metaphor, and through discussing coping mechanisms whilst living with Continuing traumatic stress. As I write and reflect I am aware of changing atmospheres, of people doing things they want to do, and passing little remarks on any of the problems regarding COVID, indeed there is a sense of running to do what were the normal things we always did, and yet hurrying back from them to return to our ‘safe place’ It’s as though we are running between the raindrops to get home without getting wet, but all of a sudden there is a large growl, and the sky is chucking it down, and we are soon drenched.

So how do we shelter from the rain whilst living our lives,in what we consider normal. or necessary way? If we go out thinking it might rain we may take protection, such as an umbrella or a raincoat, but ,of course, often we don’t as we are rushing to fit everything in.Let’s consider, when we rush we do not experience things to the same extent as we do when taking our time.

It seems to me that what may be happening to some, or maybe many of us that unconsciously we are responding to the affects of the pandemic, and are acting as though the virus had taken legs and was following us, at speed wherever we go. In fact whilst there may still be some substance in such a thought it is important to STOP! and walk, breathe naturally and calmly slow down!

At this moment , in our experience of walking in a recovery process we need to remember that there is still a continuing traumatic stress tag on how we are and what we are doing and as we allow ourselves to stop think and consider what is happening in the moment we will come to realise it is good to walk not run in a panic.

Such a perspective can help to push one into planning our lives, and recovering, or maybe for the first time, having a healthy structure to our living. Plan your walk as you move on in a more positive way.

WALK WITH PERSPECTIVE, GO ON DO IT

CATEGORY THOUGHTFUL REFLECTIONS AND WELLNESS

How often do you feel you have screwed up? My guess is that you may feel like that more often at the moment. The frustrations of the current situation are likely to inflame one’s ‘downers’ when things don’t go as planned. Consider for a moment, this might be a good example, a learning curve, regarding understanding how the levels of stress have increased for you during the ongoing frustrating restrictions on, and in all levels of our life at the moment.

The next thing, along comes the old pest our saboteur reiterating the blame, and failure ideas, and scolding, something shocking just as though he has the right to condemn our very human responses and mistakes, coming out with the old, ‘I told you sos’ and it seems too true to even attempt to challenge him/her.

Frustrations and screw ups are completely natural in the circumstances we are in, its harder to find a balance more escpecially when something as incidious as COVID is continuing it’s disgusting visit to our globe. Here’s the thing though, its very frustrating when one feels let down by failing institutions and constantly rising prices.Its rather like you have your patient gown on and off all the time, and simply have no more energy, every time you gain an inch you are thrown back a mile! To add insult to injury you can’t think straight.

This is how stress and traumatic responses can govern our thinking and behaviour, and we struggle with them now day and daily. The work of the saboteur is easy in these circumstances because we are living in a regressed state, as though our brains metaphorically are just swelled up with the pressure.

The saboteur is a sub personality ingrained with both conscious and unconscious information, and supported by the norms and mores of our culture, operating and kicking us when we are down.

A good beginning ,as we indicated before in previous blogs, is to give him/her a name, and speak directly to him/her. Ask ‘twister’ [my name’] ‘what’s your beef’ ?comfort him/her as a part of you e.g.I’m sorry you are hurt and frustrated but there is no use blaming yourself and thinking you have failed, try again! everyone has a patient inside themselves and it is healthy to acknowledge this , why blame yourself for something you have no power over ,and did not instigate, let me give you a hug?

Knowledge and understanding is good but does not give a pat answer, but it is there to go back to when stuck and frustrated. Don’t forget ask yourself sensible questions

Is it normal to screw up sometimes? could be one

Did I manage before?

Might it be ok to see that I need repetition to learn something new?

Use your patient experience to transform your thinking and experience and in the service of others.

COME ON DON’T BE ARROGANT JOIN THE HUMAN RACE AND RUN TO THE FINISH LINE

In previous blogs we have been exploring the notion of stress generated by the pandemic as Continuing Incidious Traumatic Stress, and from that perspective examining ways of understanding and coping with the stress in healthy and positive ways, we have looked at the feelings and behaviours that are around for many of us, and also at ways of normalising them associating those that have been and continue to be caused by the pandemic, and those that belonged to us previously.

Now it is time to journey further and consider our personality in terms of parts, or ‘sub personalities’ as they are known, without being too academic let’s engage with these, and then develop further, the ways of engaging our spirits to manage the trauma.In a straightforward way you will be familiar with how one frequently says things like’I don’t know why but that doesn’t sit well with a part of me’, or alternately you may wonder in more lucid times why you can be very competent in many aspects of your life and get tripped up by what might be considered low self esteem?

If you imagine an orchestra playing supremely well bringing in all its parts as the conductor engages them, and suddenly the string section goes out of tune as a violin’s string snaps, and having discovered the problem the conductor orders a break until the instrument is repaired and tuned in again, this is a metaphor for some of the behaviour of our personalities. We can operate with competence day and daily, and then, we find, perhaps due to stress, we are in some sort of crisis and it is hard to understand where our ability to cope has gone?

No one is fully conscious and aware but for many, perhaps highly functioning individuals, we are more curious and self examining of our behaviours and life experiences,accordingly, if we are willing, it is possible to follow and explore our behaviours, if we are healthy enough, in an endeavour to live life more fully.

Each of us, no matter how healthy and competent we are at dealing with life are rather like the orchestra above functioning, until we are amazed by some ‘out of tune’ behaviour’ the good thing is that we can work with this and repair it so we will operate tunefully again, and furthermore we will have gained in knowledge of ourselves for future reference.

Each of us have sub personalities, which described simply are rather like the orchestra parts above flowing and moving together to create harmonious living. working in relationship with another you can learn these aspects of self as they come into consciousness and understand how to conduct and heal any parts which ‘stick out’ in crisis.

Walking in recovery during this pandemic may be a good time to begin this work, as it is more than evident within the world as a whole that regressive behaviour is affecting us all from the highest in the land, to the lowest. Indeed if, those able to reflect could review their behaviours now they would realise they were out of balance, out of tune, and, rather than walking in recovery are almost if not totally psychotic.

One of the awful troubles folk have had since the beginning of the pandemic, is not being able to take a break safety, it would appear, that, for some, all caution has been thrown to the wind and they are just going as they can’t stand the pressure anymore.I can’t do this and I wish I could, but it seems to me that it is important to do this as safely as possible.

So in walking in recovery dealing with this incidious continuing traumatic stress, it is important to have methods of coping that are healthy and as safe as possible, to know how to understand and recover our spiritual capacity, working securely in the presence of another qualified person to tune into our personnel orchestra so that we can repair and manage it’s various parts and it will play and sing its own amazing tune.

ALWAYS CHECK WITH YOUR MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL IF YOU HAVE SERIOUS MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS.

GO ON TUNE UP!