Understanding caring and debriefing is not simply an intellectual excercise but a personal understanding of human beings methods of making attachments and connections, in both the physical and mental spheres.

It is frequently the case that carers, pastors, therapists, and many other persons in front line care have evolved into the work due to unresolved issues in their own lives,or unknown to them they are carrying and re-inacting the trauma of past generations.If such behaviour is not challenged and understood it continues down the generations ad infinitum, accordingly when carers or other front line workers engage with each other without appropriate knowledge of self they put both themselves and their clients at risk.

Holding and containment are required for both physical and mental caring, but pause a moment and reflect these abilities depend on you and I offering ourselves with knowledge as to what we can contain and hold, and recognising the engagement as having an effect build up on the worker.

A simple analogy is if you and I each visualise a box in front of us which contains or own problems and issues, if you are the client requiring care it is possibly the case that your box is full, and in some cases may be overflowing, whilst if I am the carer my box needs to be possibly half empty in order to contain your overwhelming issues and restore your equilibrium. Often this is where the engagement ends, the worker walks away and keeps on loading up the metaphorical box without emptying it through some confidential debriefing or supervision or carer support.

It seems to me that in this country we have an idea of standards that have little basis in common sense when we actually stop to think about them. Such standards are induced within the cultural norms and mores of our country, families, philosophy or religion. How often do you hear, ‘I should or I could have down that’ many times in the most ridiculous sense. We are not Gods but mortals carrying about our own issues and needing to be supported and debriefed from our stresses.

The current caption’we are all in this together’ is beginning to stick in my craw, and I fervently hope that this conjures up in responsible minds the need for self care, but so often the picture in my mind is of masses of people in a huge lake being attacked by snakes with people walking by and passing no remarks.

The unnatural behaviour of ‘lockdowns’ and restrictions have taken many back to survival tactics but there is a bit lost appropriate caring and respect for each other. appropriate empathy and compassion for human life, and when this is experienced by the truly empathic person the loss is almost umbearable and causes huge stress.

However having acknowledged this I think we need to examine ourselves for arrogance.Who do you think you are,? who do I think I am?lets check the issues in ‘our boxes’ debrief in order to reduce stress.

DONT JUMP IN THE LAKE!

Did you ever think of your body as having a voice? During my lifetime , particularly in relation to trauma a growing ‘body of people’ have followed the ‘somatic trend’ re understanding and working with our bodies.

Of course there has been, practically forever, an interest or even an obsession with the body beautiful, people have, in all cultures, dressed up the body decorated the body and the jury is still out as to weather they look beautiful or not.

Understanding and working with ones body is not just about making up oneself dressing in a variety of ways, eating , not eating, dieting, drinking, dancing, or whatever takes your fancy, It is about what the body has to say about physiological, psychological, physical and mental health for the body is according to biblical reference, fearfully and wonderfully made.Psalm 139:14

Have you ever realised that every cell in your body has a memory, and often holds traumatic events, but modern life does not give us much time for marvelling at how we are made, or listening to our body speak. Of course there is a general learning creeping into our conversations about doing what your body wants, but it is surface stuff.

Levine 2010 a noted psychologist, scientist and author, in his book ‘The Unspoken Voice’ tells his own story about being hit by a car as he stepped of the sidewalk. A Paramedic came to help him whilst they were waiting on the ambulance his training meant he wanted to restrict the patient’s movements but Levine although he felt almost outside his body was able to ask him to step back. He describes the actions and movements of his body , he was of course shaking but refused to be restricted or given any medication as he wished his body to talk to him from an instinctual place.Thereafter he describes how lying quietly his body internally travelled through his arms and other body parts while a competent paramedic sat with him he continued to shake and tremble and this process restored his equilibrium allowing his vital signs to return to normal.

Key facts in his experience were the behaviour of the paramedic in the ambulance and the behaviour of a doctor who had sat quietly with him until the ambulance came. He was aware of their gentle unobtrusive presence and even of a smell of perfume.

Our mysterious and wonderfully made body has an instinctual and archaic ability to heal but medical treatment has , in the past, controlled our shaking when traumatised and medicated us when according to Levine we need to allow the body to speak work and heal in the presence of a competent gentleness.

We need to see that whilst our backward journey during this pandemic has released the darkness of the shadow if we allow our instincts reign in relation to trauma we can heal ourselves.

Let’s learn from the animals again I watched the meercats the other day and following a traumatic killing of members of one group by another those left stayed close allowing each other to shake and cry then they cuddled each other and went about their day.

I have observed a mixture of stuff on line re developing PTSD during the pandemic some did not seem all that sensible everyone is possibly experiencing trauma and stress but will not necessarily go on to develop PTSD.

Here are some reminders or tips

1 Don’t rush your bath or shower use the time in there to touch and feel your body for the mysterious thing that it is.

2 Use meditation, active imagination, quietness and observation to hear your body speak.

3 Quietly come alongside those who need support be where you are needed not where you think you should be!

4 Deepen your listening so that you can respond instinctively to yours and others needs.

HEAR THE BODY SPEAK IT HAS THE ANSWERS.

I,ve noticed that the themes relative to the experiences of the pandemic are infiltrating many adverts, and if you are anything like me you would have, in the past paused the Television until they were over and felt some frustration at the interruption they cause to your favourite viewing.

A current advert for ‘Pension Bee’ uses the notion of controlling and co-ordinating pensions by bringing what you thought uncontrollable into the one domain, whilst a further current advert highlights how marines have to deal with the unknown which is scarey, even creepy for humankind.

I’ve noticed that a key element of these adverts is subliminal touching on issues such as relaxation and quality institutions who are worthy of trust, and it is these very elements that are difficult to hold onto in our everyday life at the moment.

Thanks to those of you who forwarded comments from the last blog’ Let the vulnerable speak.’ One of these comments included an extract from a young man who found the answer to his problem with a stammer and the resulting self esteem. His answer was actually within himself fuelled by his desire to control something which was hindering his progress towards his desired goals.Motivation ‘to become’ enabled him to travel to training and defeat and control that which he had thought previously uncontrollable.

Central to this young person’s development was his excellent parents who gave their unstinting and continuing support. I have noticed that it is lack of support that is often absent in these present days.Feelings fluctuate through traumatic fluctuating flatness,sadness, to crazy joy and despair.

In order to control this movement of feelings we need to relax control our breathing and look at what is going on.Try to imagine whilst sitting quietly, facing forward, you are centred in a place of reality, now turn your head to the right and subsequently to the left observing what is present at each point.Return to the centre and process what you have observed, such a process is calming and may pull you back from hopelessness and despair. Use your imagination to develop the centre perhaps it is a beautiful island or a sandy sea shore the possibilities are endless. Close your eyes and travel with your imagination concentrate and see what is there. Rest! Return to the everyday reality empowered and able to use your personal strength to carry you through.

We do not need to go to the shops to buy imagination, or get on a plane to go abroad the personal power is within us but is often dimmed by disability and the brands of ‘reactive depression’ attached to the pandemic.However this human capacity is lost for some at the moment due to stress, bereavement, illness, or other issues so we need to support others with loving compassion and it is as we sit quietly we sometimes see a way to be supportive to another.

Another comment I received recently reminded me that we need to be released in order to adapt if we are held back by feelings of depression we are often unable to move forward and need released. Much anger and possibly rage has been awakened by being locked down and is struggling for healthy ways of release.

I grew up on a farm and developed the notion that a period on a farm should be part of all our growth so much is available for learning and if we allow them the animals will teach us.I have always loved cows and dairy cows have their calves removed after birth so that they can produce milk for sale, when the calves are removed the cows roar in pain at their loss it is an awful sound and my mother used to take us up to the loft so we wouldn’t hear the noise so clearly.

We can find strength in quietness and stillness and we need to use this strength for release from loss and lockdown in self and in everyday life. Use the cows as an example find a safe place and roar to find release. Cows support each other through their group herding rituals we can do this too we can space, distance, and still find ways of supporting each other.Let’s not be afraid to roar and compassionate enough to find new and old ways of giving support to our herd.

TAG SUPPORT CONTROL RELEASE

For some time I have been reflecting on promoting a positive and appropriate attitude towards vulnerable persons.In average times we tend to think of vulnerable people as those who are physically and mentally disabled but in current times we really need to extend our view of vulnerability to include all of us. Such a stance opens the door for viewing human beings on different levels.

In the first case we have those recognised as disabled either physically or mentally, or perhaps both, and therefore ‘vulnerable’ to a greater or lesser degree, and there are terms of reference which allows the level of vulnerability and needs to be determined. However one the positive things coming out of the pandemic is the notion of ‘we are all in this together.’ everyone is vulnerable , and at risk both physically and mentally.

It is frequently the case that workers without thinking about it adopt a persona as the provider of care ‘the well one’ if you like and to some degree this notion may be fostered by the service provider.It seems to me that because the whole world is in this together we need to reconsider the lines of demarcation between workers and patients and to do this the worker needs support to recognise the vulnerabity within themselves, if you like the patient within them.

Everyone has been touched by so much loss, fear and restrictions that it can become the unconscious choice to just mentally ‘hole up’ and deny our feelings. I am concerned that such behaviour causes huge stress and is detrimental to physical and mental well being.

Organisations have ‘a duty to care’ for their workers even those who are not currently working in office sites. Alongside this the individual has a responsibility to take stock of their own stress level by allowing their feelings free reign if you like, giving them a voice in a balanced and controlled way. This can be achieved by creating new structures within our day and relationships which reflect individual personal needs for self care and preservation.

I have been moved by some comments on previous blogs re how a person engages in self awareness, adaption, and healthy integration during ‘Lockdown’ this is certainly a question? Lockdown and isolation can be closely connected, and lets face it, social distancing is not natural for human beings and indeed the need for social engagement is patterned throughout many species on earth. In our quiet meditative moments we need to allow voice to this to feel angry and frustrated because old choices and ways of being have changed and we are obliged to create new ones.

Allowing the worker vulnerability voice in various ways not only supports ‘self care’ but strengthens the compassion and respect for the patients they care for.In addition it allows the worker to develop a sense of’self efficacy’ to be in control of their well being and to support others with theirs.

The world has been shifting and moving throughout this crisis, and it is difficult to stand still the desire is to run or play dead in order to be safe but where is the safe place?I suggest the safe place can be found not just in our homes but inside ourselves if we quiet ourselves through meditation and balance our lives with structure enjoyment and truth.

RESPECT VULNERABILITY GIVE IT SPACE AND VOICE! My son sent me this song from a Japanese group

Even in the days we can’t meet we grow up together wrap you up with my unchanging feelings just forward, just only forward.I reach out to you Let’s light a smile in the darkness in this blue world let’s make the future you are alright.See we are all here not alone.

BAND MAID ABOUT US

CAN YOU SEE THIS WHAT DO YOU NEED?

tag: respect vulnerability

In the last blog we were looking at the notion of ‘The Shadow’ being loose in us and in our world as a whole.In some instances it is easy to identify,though not often acknowledged, we have elements of it all around us, we can see the crooks, tricksters to mention a very few, for they are all around us , and even more evident in times of pressure and the need to survive such as now. Of course there are even deeper dark archetypes in us and in our world of which we are not always conscious and of some we will never be.

An interesting thing about our universe is that there are parallel processes going on in nature, animals for example can be seen to be effected by the global changes, and even more interesting is the many of them that have similar behaviour patterns to us.within the animal kingdom there are the crooks and tricksters, and so often they need to be in order to survive.

Recently I saw some information about meerkats, the little animals who have been used so extensively in television over the last years.They look so classy and yet they operate in gangs and kill off little pups of rival gangs,,so what we see on the surface is not always all of it.We of course accept that wild animals can be dangerous, and perhaps they do not have the reflective ability of humans, could it be however that our irresponsible behaviour in relation to our environment has induced needless pain and suffering due to our destruction of their environments, of course there is evidence of this,, but is it deeper and more insidious than we think?What is clear is that there is a fight for survival in nature and across all species on the earth, some are more capable of adapting than others.

I’m sure by now you are saying get to the point would you?The point is that we need to acknowledge the personal and overall situation in our world which has become more evident and serious since the outbreak of the pandemic,but to do so takes us into areas of which we would rather not be conscious. There is an unhealthy outbreak of ‘denial’ all around, now I’m not downing denial because on balance this defence mechanism has important adapting qualities used in small doses it helps our mental health to recover and has protective entities, but what we have is an outbreak of deep denial accompanied by selfishness and possibly serious mental health issues. I refer to the behaviour of those spreading Covid mindlessly with selfish and irresponsible behaviour.

The’ lockdowns’ have been hard for everyone,at different levels, and in recent days i have come up with an acronym

Listen Be quiet and listen to yourself become aware in the silence what you need to do to change and adapt.

Opportunity Take the opportunity to learn and grow

Compassion Develop consideration empathy and compassion for others

Kin See all mankind as kin.

Denial Balance and use denial in a healthy rational way

Overcome selfish behaviour and feel the freedom this brings

Walk meditate and excercise each day

Nourish Take both physical and mental food each day e.g. a bible verse to consider and think around each day or whatever mantra helps you. Encourage and help others through the many ways we still have of reaching out.

Being aware of the ‘shadow’ which is most certainly on the loose is key to healthy living.At the moment it is like a long black dog behind you and dancing around you seeking to attack being still and containing your fear is crucial.

I love most animals and they seem to gravitate towards me,but the other day a black dog followed close on my heels as I walked down the park I was glad I had boots on as I felt he was after me to nip me, maybe he was down on his luck and wanted to take it out on another creature who knows?I contained myself but he is still in my minds eye. The fear for survival is still outside and inside in this pandemic we are afraid of dying in it aren’t we? Lets be responsible and loving and caring of others and source our strength from God.

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD PS 46 AND 10 rest in God!

I wet my feet on Analytical psychology during my training and ongoing development as a therapist, but it made sense to me regarding healthy living and dealing with trauma and life’s challenges.It is not my purpose to present a treatise on Jungian psychology or to denigrate it by using it eclectically, but to allude to aspects of it which I have integrated into my understanding and way of being.

During the pandemic we have been asked to live with lockdown’s and restrictions to our way of living and generally being in the world , these restrictions and lockdowns have at times crippled us with fear and resentment because we are not made to be in lockdown or restricted in daily living.Social distancing and face covering have not been part of what we consider ‘normal’

From a psychological and spiritual perspective many are finding it hard to adapt to the ‘new normal’ and within our everyday living environments the intuitive individual can sense the trauma and frustration the pandemic is causing.It is in my opinion not just the restrictions but not knowing what will happen next, because as human beings we do not deal well with the unknown, even that which we do not know in or about our own selves.

It seems to me that adaption requires a ‘self knowing’ which is not given to or sought by everyone,and such a lack of ‘self knowing’ can mean we are not living in an integrated and meaningful way and are subject to frustrations and disturbances of our mental health.

Carl Jung taught that life was about becoming an individual integrating the parts of ourselves to find wholeness and acceptance of ourselves as individuals. You can find in depth reading on this online should you like to read it, suffice to say that we are both conscious and unconscious beings and we don’t have to live in the world very long to learn this, as children we often got punished for behaviour we did not even know was wrong or had been unconscious of.

Something to hang your cap on, so to speak, is two words which come from Jung’s psychology ‘ego’ and ‘shadow’ ego being considered the conscious part of us and shadow the dark and unknown side. Recently the shadow has broken loose from its mooring and is abroad in society we can see this in the selfish, greedy, and undisciplined behaviour of those who are spreading this virus. In order to adapt and cope in our current environment we need to bring the evil and difficult aspects of the shadow into our awareness and attempt to deal with them otherwise they will seriously affect our mental health as well as our physical well being both of which are, of course connected.

Carl Jung believed that we had both a personal unconscious and were connected to a collective unconscious which has its roots in ancestry and all the cultures and norms in the world it is seen in archetypes the world over. I think this is interesting as we have been bombarded by the caption ‘ were all in this together’ and also if the world stopped today and restarted again we would behave in the same ways we do today.

We were informed that this virus jumped from animal to human species ,and that this began in China last year.It came to light then, but the environment for it’s emergence and continuance has come about by all of us polluting and destroying our environment by our greed and selfishness we have become maladapted to live in a useful and connected society.

THE SHADOW IS LOOSE!

During my lifetime there have been phenomenal changes in the world at all levels.We now use the ‘adage’ global village’ and this indicates the notion and indeed the reality that the world could be traversed with comparatively little difficulty, at least until the covid crisis, then people were being asked to ‘keep their distance and close their borders to people traversing without due thought from place to place.

With the development of the ‘global village’ notion many world cultures have converged and with this convergence cultures have impressed their norms and mores on each other.

Accompanying these developments have been some strong and sometimes subtle changes in the way individuals and groups give meaning to life but sadly the subtle or insidious changes have almost had ‘a seeping into our pores’ affect, in other words we have become something without due thought or asking why?It seems to me that the aforementioned developments have interfered with the process of integrating new experiences which have not been thought through and subsequently incorporated into our lifestyle and general’way of being.’ Its as though we have become bits of this and that and have no clear philosophy to underpin life’s journey we are travelling mindlessly ,and insidious behaviours have seeped into life some of which are ‘greed, selfishness, and arrogance to name just a few

Carl Jung the swiss analyst had an excellent take on this and I’m referring to it in a simple way as it makes a point and is right up to date with human growth and development.In his ‘analytical psychology’ we are travelling through the journey of life, and through a process of awareness on both conscious and unconscious levels we have an opportunity to integrate a knowledge of self which is knowledgeable and healthy and consequently we no longer operate as bits of this and that but think and act as a whole person an individual.

I apologise for the limited summary but you may, if interested read up on Jungian theory for yourself.

The journey to self awareness and development is not chosen for, or by everyone and when one undertakes this journey it often separates one from others who have not undertaken a similar journey.

Central to each of us is our’ego’ which has become a familiar word in the social domain , but in my view it is consistently misunderstood

I worked for 17 years on the Interface between North and West Belfast during the height of ‘The Troubles’ At that Interface one was, in the physical sense, faced with a huge wall designed to discourage anyone crossing over or through it but, of course, workers and groups interfaced with one another in pursuit of meaningful connections towards finding peace and understanding of the other side as it was known at the time.

In recent days I have been reflecting on the notion of interface and connections and it seems these concepts have been radically changed in our new ‘normal’. We have been taught to interface and connect at a distance, and if possible electronically and behind a mask. This new learning, whilst for our protection, has been difficult because it is unnatural for human beings.It is of course necessary for our health and safety and requires or gratitude and engagement. In fact from the perspective of mental health it is’Doing our heads in.’

We are created for engagement and meaningful connections with one another and without such connection and engagement we become frustrated and to some degree spiritually annihilated, it may be, for some like living in a vacuum.It is easily said we can connect to God and become closer to him, this is blase and unfeeling of the struggles. We experience when having to suppport restrictions especially if we are alone or vulnerable.

I have become more aware of the subtlety of little interferences in how we all approach daily living, and the fact is the more vulnerable and closed in one is the worse these interferences are, just think, when a person is disabled either physically or mentally the interface and possible connections they have are limited by the disabilities and by the services provided routine is important for everyone but more so for the vulnerable. It would be so easy to think that the vulnerable person is already restricted and so life hasn’t changed but it has it is more fearful for those who can’t go out and face it.

Aloneness and lonliness has become more insidious seeping into our pores and ways of being.I am hoping that what I am learning in a fresh way through this crisis will enable me to change my approach to others and feel I can genuinely interface and connect in a meaningful way with them.

I am hoping that as a single people, and as a population more loving compassion and caring will emerge through these lockdowns.

REACH OUT YOUR HANDS!

I’ve been reflecting on the old adage ‘one step forward and two back’ It seems like that now, every time the government brings in guidelines there is forward movement and then whoops back it goes again!

Life in a personal sense is rather like that and this is clear to see at this time of year, the new year resolutions, if they are still in vogue? may already be starting to wear thin but we don’t need to give up because we can retain what we have learn’t from our attempt to go forward, and when we try again we don’t begin in quite the same place we can take with us the learning of having gone forward before, we can sift our new knowledge and go forward with new vigour.

I’ve been fascinated with the notion of walking backwards, on rare occasions we might see this in the park perhaps where a runner has got distracted and reverses to see what hes missed.I understand its meant to be good for us especially our knees as it strengthens our knee joints. However it is best undertaken in small doses and in a gym where supervision is available. Strengthening the knee joints from running backwards is a good analogy for gaining strengthen from needing to look back at our unresolved issues which trip us up as we go forward`.We cannot wipe the plate clean because human beings store unused things and unbearable things in the unconscious which is like a repository which contains the things we can’t handle or don’t even know they are there and these things can come to light through therapeutic work and,or traumatic events which are triggered by stress and loss amongst other things.

Becoming more consciously aware and following a balanced life purpose is part of a meaningful life journey. It is a personal journey for each individual but there is also a connectedness between us all as human beings.It seems to me that ,on the one hand,this connectedness is so urgent that we find ways of getting it even in the imposed isolation brought about by lockdown restrictions.On the other hand the urgency creates anxiety as we devise old and new ways of being in touch with others.

Balance is lost when the anxiety takes over, if you take control over what is in your power to control you may find yourself able to get into a routine again.Some suggestions of maintaining your old routine, but within the safety guidelines can be useful.Have you been skulking around in your nightwear perhaps not bothering to take a shower then you need to get back to ‘normal’ prepare for your day as you always did, and as far as possible do your usual things.If you challenge and stop negative thoughts you have an opportunity to have more positive thoughts and new perspectives.I wonder if you realise that the more you expect a catastrophy the more you create the environment for it to happen.

A useful tip is to take a encouraging bible verse into your mind, or if you are from another life philosophy an encouraging mantra which holds you in a positive and active frame of mind.Such a ritual or code of behaviour can be useful even if you are less active through disability.Ask yourself What did I Learn from the first lockdown that I can use to help me now?

Give thanks with a grateful heart God will take care of you!In 1 Thessalonians 5 16-18 we are enjoined to give thanks in all circumstances………………………..Today give thanks for the skill of scientists who are able to create vaccines ……………