I grew up on a farm in an isolated border county, and although the second world war was over.For a good decade there were still old soldiers wandering the country looking for work and some food. My mother was a kind and insightful woman, and knew that these men were suffering the after effects of shell shock, so she gave them jobs and fed them, allowing them to sleep in the barn.
My parents had been born at the end of the ‘great war’ and lived as young adults through the second world war so they told us stories some of which were connected to our ancestry for example my paternal grandfather had been killed in the battle of the Somme when my father was just two years old.
At that time understanding and working with trauma was limited and there was a belief that such men could not be cured but thankfully understanding and techniques for working with trauma and post traumatic stress disorder have greatly developed. Imagine how excited psychiatrists were when they discovered that, when working in groups with ex soldiers there were unexplained, at the time, improvements much more than when working individually.
It is not my purpose here to follow the academic progress of group work and its skills, but to attempt to highlight what has emerged from this and apply some of it to being human understanding that we walk, side by side with other humans and can support them by being attuned to who we are, and what we have to offer.
The crux of the, matter which has always concerned me is that we know ourselves sufficiently so that we can balance our own issues taking support when needed and using our own personal power and abilities for the good of others.
As a young person I always pondered how one helped another without becoming worn out, as this seemed to me to be very important, and not often taught sufficiently in professional caring professions Some of the following are things I’ve learned in that context.
When I help others, I must first know and be able to help myself, asking for help when i need it and knowing what space I have to help others
There is a walking, or coming alongside, others which involves being able to tune in to their needs.
What is your purpose in wanting to be a helper?
Can I be non judgemental compassionate and loving not advice giving except in dire urgent matters?
In group can I be quiet and present allowing the group to, in and of itself conduct the process.
Remembering ones own humanity is a burden and a privilege helping one to avoid arrogance.
The exciting thing about coming alongside another is that much of what takes place is like in the group of ex soldiers after the wars human beings unconsciously connect and this is almost like an electric charge and it is this relationship which does the work.
IF WE CAN’T BE STILL AND LISTEN WE ARE NOT ALONGSIDE !
aoibheann thoughtful reflections 