Finding oneself can be difficult enough, working in jobs where self-awareness is required is extremely taxing, and more especially when through stress and trauma we lose sight of who we are and exist, as it were, by the skin of our teeth. In many cases, we may try to hide our issues through denial, and drive ourselves on with our inner whip– a saboteur which is only too ready to punish us with what we SHOULD OR OUGHT to be doing. Of course, it then follows that we feel ashamed, and worst of all we don’t share our feelings and needs as we could.
In a dangerous, and yet beautiful swamp in South America there lived a large crocodile, named leviathan who had command of all the other creatures who lived with him. For the most part, he was obeyed for he ruled by fear, and absolute terror, and he had ‘first dibs’ on any poor soul who fell into the smelly and often hidden swamp where he lived. However, it seems all creatures have a master and he was no exception, down deep in the swamp there lived ‘The Prince of Darkness’ he lived in a fine castle crafted out of the bones and filth of others and demanded absolute obedience from them. Leviathan had been in his house several times taking orders and abuse from him. He knew there was a door in the house which he was never allowed to see but, at times, light emanated from it. Leviathan wished to could see in there but was too scared to ask.
However, Leviathan, as the ancient name implies, was a twisted character, and one day when he knew the ‘Prince of darkness’
was having a nap he went down to his lair and pushed open the door, quietly and just a small bit, what he found stunned him. He could see all kinds of beautiful creatures mixing with ugly ones, and emanating many different types of light. He pulled himself together and went back to his quarters before the tyrant woke up.
The story above points to the different aspects or parts of a person, and also that these parts can be damaged or hidden but in the journey of self-awareness can be discovered and managed by our central ego so that once again they can interact as a well-tuned orchestra.
Central to this work is exploring and understanding our ‘narrative’ and recognizing that we can change the script editing out the destructive parts.
The core of this work is about naming and coming to know each part, as they become known they return to their position within your personality and psyche.
Leviathan has come into its own in fairly recent time and can be seen in the twisted nature and attitudes of many powerful people and institutions. It is particularly evident in the dynamics of the pandemic, where selfishness and lack of consideration for others abounds. On the other hand, the opposite is true as it’s noticeable how individuals and groups are becoming more compassionate and resilient.
Is important to stop for a moment and remember that the ongoing insidious effects of the pandemic have us constantly on guard, some more than others, and we do not always make rational decisions as we are lacking a secure space and constantly struggling with the unbearable nature of events, and in some cases our difficult histories.
KNOWING AND NAMING ARE IMPORTANT DON’ T DESPISE THEM!
To a large degree we, during this pandemic, to date have been ruled by fear and frustrated by going forward three steps and back four never having a clear framework to knock against for support, and without evidence-based information to hang our hats on. Human beings do not appreciate being stuck , and according we become very stressed. Some schools of thought view the aftermath of the lockdowns and restrictions as likely to cause much more damage to our health and well-being, than the virus itself.
We come again to the central issue of knowing self, managing self, grounding self, and returning to self when we have been under stress through supporting others in a time of deep uncertainty. It’s as though our body jumps the systems so frequently that the cortisol and adrenaline are potentially becoming worn out. We now know so much about trauma including our mechanisms to deny, dissociate and detach from it, but in my opinion, we have not, as yet learned how to live with ongoing and insidious trauma.
In previous blogs, we have looked at sound ways of keeping safe, but these are not sufficient for this purpose
In the story of Leviathan fear kept him from challenging the saboteur so he remained frustrated and controlled challenging our fear of knowing ourselves, acknowledging our
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aoibheann thoughtful reflections 