Have you noticed how many types of threes there are? Of course for Christians, as Christmas comes around we are reminded of the Holy trinity one yet three, Three yet one Let’s take a look at some of the threes which we see in everyday life and don’t always think about unless they annoy us.
In previous blogs, we looked at the scenario of the worker Zacharias if we think about his therapy we can see how the safety and quality of his support involved a triangle, framework, skills, and relationship.
The therapist or pastor needs a framework to support professional helping work, to inform him/her with knowledge and understanding re working with someone in a therapeutic or pastoral role, they also need quality skills, and an ability to build a solid relationship, and relate to the other with empathy.
Within this triangle there is a possibility of safety for the client to avail of support/therapy and come out of such a relationship able to use what they gained from it to improve their quality of life. A problem arises , however if the client expects the process to make him/her which is not in their power, rather the quality of the work is to enpower the client to heal himself or herself.
The wonderful example of the Holy Trinity which is so near to us at Christmas is one of wholeness and unity each member has a specific role and the roles and person unity as one. In human work, we can only ever use this as an example and when we become arrogant thinking we can identify with our client we not only move out of a professional helping relationship but lose the sense of self and other.
It seems to me that reflection on these matters is of great importance for workers during this pandemic because to identify is natural in everyday life, but is curtailing in therapeutic or pastoral work. It is difficult to empathize and come away again because in the ‘trauma’ and concurrent lack of safety working as a therapist or pastor may become a terrible tangle.
When training in group therapy I was fascinated at how people made connections particularly if something was unconsciously causing difficulty in the group sometimes three persons would do all the talking until the conductor stepped in and brought this to the group’s attention. Have you noticed how we go about our safety precautions keeping back, and closing our doors when we come in the house, but do we name what we are at?
In the above example the group where holding unbearable feelings and projected them into the three spokespersons, but if this had not been named the feelings could not be worked through.
The work of the therapist/pastor is to use a healthy and meaningful framework to create a healthy environment so growthful work can occur for the client, and ironically also for the worker.
Much talking is around today about people having, or losing a sense of self and what if you undertake work without knowing yourself as well as possible for we can never know totally this is one of the frustrations of the journey of life, and of relationships where we create dyads triads clicks and God knows what?
Let’s make the answer simple! In order to work with someone in a helping/therapeutic relationship you need to know what is yours and what is the client’s, this is only ever achieved to a degree but provides support re empathizing as opposed to identifying. In identifying you may lose the ability to separate and be left carrying the client’s stuff instead of helping them to see it process it and work it through,
WHO ARE YOU? I AM ME GO HOME!
aoibheann thoughtful reflections 