Well what happened next to Zacariah? He had felt some renewal following his struggle to get up into his favourite tree and his subsequent sojourn up there. Coming down to earth was another matter.
You, will by now realise that the story of our friend Zachariah is one of a pastor or therapist who for the last 19 months has been both traumatised on his own behalf, and vicariously traumatised by the dilemna’s of his client population. The thing is because we have all been in the pandemic together it’s hard for even the most disciplined professional worker to find the dividing line between self and other, and even then the most dedicated worker may have insufficient support to debrief from the traumatic work in our current sureal world. It is hard to manage when we are only half alive, clinging on by a fragile leaf at the top of a very high tree, the ground very far below.
We can, l’m sure easily imagine that although he had been professionally trained, and had some supervisory support Zachariah couldn’t get back to normality by simply taking a day off. On the first night, following his tree experience he woke at three am from some very disturbing dreams and could not get back to sleep until five. As well as feeling very anxious he felt guilty and ashamed because he thought he should be ashamed of himself for not coping. ”know this ground anyone?”
The following day he was unable to relax or meditate, but then he remembered a simple calming exercise which could hold him for the interim so he settled himself and breathed deeply 4 times and told himself he was now calm.This also focused him and he thought more clearly about what he needed to do. He called in sick, and made an appointment to see his supervisor and therapist.
A further struggle began when the time came to keep these appointments as he had a problem with going out and feeling safe, he was on the alert.It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see the signs of PSD note I have not said PTSD as that is not necessarily the case.
Finally Zacharias managed to meet with his supervisor and also with his therapist who were skilled and wise persons. In each case they themselves were well grounded and had arranged their facilities to allow Zacharias to feel in control, knowing where the door was and how long each session was was normal enough but a further invitation was given to him that he could leave ahead of the session ending at any time if he did not feel safe his chair allowed him to see the door.
The sessions continued for some weeks with the therapist quietly holding him by his skill and wisdom this allowed Zacharias to have control and feel safe. During this time attention was paid to the trauma and vicarious trauma experiences.
The above events opened the worker’s understanding as to how this had happened to him.The pandemic had caused so much pressure for himself as a person and also the work he was doing was so close to his own experience that he over identified with his clients and lost his sense of self.
In the earlier blog I spoke of Zacharias’s experience in the tree when he asked himself, who am I? Where am I going? What do I need to get there? Finding himself again was his next goal redefining his vocation and knowing himself and his personality where part of his central work. What he needed to do this was to travel with his therapist through his history and personality narrative until he reached a place where he could engage with his spiritual guide and engage a ‘higher power’ to come to know himself in a new and healthy way.
Each of us need a framework to ‘ undertake this ‘self awareness work’ For the christian it involves following in the footsteps of Jesus stepping into his consciousness and for others it means finding a meaningful framework within their life philosophy and choosing a therapist who works from that perspective.
Note how Zacharias began his journey with sitting in the tree and observing all around him. In self awareness work we need to relate to and know how we are in the external world, and how this effects our internal world we need to hold this in juxtaposition to manage a healthy life.
THE JOURNEY CONTINUES IN NEXT BLOG.
aoibheann thoughtful reflections 