The daffodils have done their job, they have heralded in the spring, and now they are dying back, they return to the earth eventually and await their time in the next year.The thing is those plants really know their place and know how to defend themselves.Recently I read how they emit a toxin when picked causing some florists allergic reactions. Isn’t it amazing how the plants and creatures of the earth know more about minding themselves than we do?
I was reared on a farm, and as such knew much about boundary lines and rights of way, and how if not managed this can , at times cause problems on a Saturday Dad would call us early to stand in the gaps at the boundary lines of other farms he had to pass when bringing the cows in for milking. Standing on the line, or in front of it was very important, as it preserved the rights of all concerned. Sometimes wisdom kicks in and the farmers combine to build fences to keep the boundary lines.However it is the ‘Rites of way’ which are more complicated as, on occasion to get past the animals may have to cross part of the other persons land or street which if not managed can cause aggravation at times.
During the past year since the beginning of this pandemic we have all struggled with boundaries and rights. Human beings, when healthy, can be good at keeping boundaries and understanding their own rights and those of others, however the restrictions of life which we are currently undergoing sometimes would make you want to burst loose. We are struggling with where to walk, what to do and most of all we miss the closeness of hugs.It seems to me that its as though we almost need taken into the other person to feel held and contained but instead we are offered their elbow which is extremely strange given the connotations we may have with being elbowed in a bullying way at school or work
The human race had become so arrogant regarding their supremacy power and dominance that the pandemic has totally ‘unfrocked’ them and they are faced with horrendous loss and vulnerability, and in need of means of defence. We have inbuilt defence mechanisms but do not always use these in healthy ways, when we are vulnerable we may project our unbearable feelings into others as we need relief and someone to blame.
Coming out of the pandemic restrictions is an opportunity to grow into healthy ways of self management.I hope we can reflect on defence mechanisms together in the coming days.However the problem exercising me most at the moment are the boundary lines and rights of way within worker and client relationships. For some time the language of therapy has been infiltrating the public domain and is not always understood or interpreted in its appropriate context, likewise therapists and pastors have an opportunity in the current situation to emerge from the pandemic with new ways of coping and caring for themselves I labour with this as I have been aware how friends and colleagues have been overwhelmed with stress in the last year.
Knowing oneself in so far as we can helps to define our weakness and limitations, as does revisiting our job role and learning the rights of way and passage connected with it. Often therapists and pastors find themselves in complex situations, as do friends and colleagues and struggle to find the boundary line between self and other this is such a time as we are all vulnerable together. I hope to spend time with you looking at finding and understanding good boundaries and ‘rites of way’ so we can revisit healthy practices through knowledge and understanding and personal and professional growth.
In working with others who are vulnerable we are often ‘standing in the gap’ created by their pain and trauma so we need to be able to do so and also to separate from the other in a healthy way.How will you do this?
I SOUGHT FOR A MAN TO STAND IN THE GAP TO MAKE UP THE HEDGE AND I FOUND NONE EZEKIEL 20 V 30
TAG RELATIONSHIP BOUNDARIES
aoibheann thoughtful reflections 