BOUNDARIES

Easter has come and gone and with it’s coming was a variety of weather which reminded me of the Marches I experienced when a child it seems like the ‘peeping out’ of spring with the windiness characteristic of March. How beautiful it is when the days are bright, the daffodils are dancing everywhere, and the cattle and sheep and lambs are in the fields.It seems to me that such things bring hope that stability can return, although because of ‘global warming’ we are likely to get all the seasons some times in one day.There is also confusion amongst plants as they begin to peep out and even bloom to soon.

Our friends the daffodils symbolise various things and contain many varieties perhaps the most relevant symbolic meaning of the daffodil for us at the moment is renewal and hope.On reflection I feel this time of year together with the symbolic nature of spring challenge us to look at our boundaries, and indeed the loss of boundaries which has come about with the restrictions and lock-downs.

Our cultural norms and mores have been shifted, and although we have not always had words for this it has occurred culminating in fear, and anxiety together with a lack of safety which comes about through ‘not knowing’. I’m sure you have noticed how many people are asking the government for maps, and questioning the time frames for removal of restrictions human beings do not deal well with being moved , and can even become quite childlike and vulnerable when they are. Such things are elements of trauma which has been consistent and ongoing throughout this pandemic.

What you may asked, has this to do with boundaries?Well the governments throughout the world were obliged to put in rules and restrictions for our safety, but these broke our personal boundaries and became ,in some cases, unbearable barriers to our health and happiness.

The deep horror and pain at not being able to be with family and friends dying of COVID the barriers involved in barrier nursing the patients, and the difficulty in losing our rights and ability to bury our dead in the ‘normal’ way for us has really rocked us to the core. People need endings and if they cant have them in a ritualistic way they are unable to move on.

Let’s go back to the daffodil and its symbolism for renewal because even with all of the above we have the God given ability to adapt to reflect and examine our boundaries.A key difference in barriers and boundaries is barriers are strictures forcing us to go, or not go in a certain direction, whereas boundaries good and bad begin at birth,are taught,and modelled, but as we mature we need to examine them for ourselves and adapt and use them in a healthy manner.

Let’s take the example of ‘carers’ who have been so stressed during this pandemic, in trying to meet the increased demand for support, at what ever level they were trained to do, they found themselves stretched to the limit and more and more needing support themselves which they did not always receive, and when obliged to step back they were often overcome by guilt at not being able to meet the needs of their client groups.

In homes and families we are, hopefully, offered and taught a set of principles and from those principles we develop and grow sift them with maturity and find our own healthy meaning for living life with purpose. In our chosen profession we are offered training with theoretical principles which contain both a knowledge base for our work and barriers to working as we thought we could, now all of these need to be renewed in light of current needs and mental distress.

In my first profession I was taught to leave my personal problems at the door, and pick them up on the way out, quite slick, but quite stupid also. In my second and long term profession I learn’t through a lengthy series of ongoing experiential training the importance of knowing myself giving space and healing to my wounds so that I had, as far as possible, uncontaminated space for the client or patient concerned.

One element of this training was requirement for journalling using the course learning to apply to your own life and development. The goal was to arrive at an understanding, and way of being in relationship based on a knowledge of what you could offer, the time frame within which you offered this and the need for professional and personal self care. The journey undertaken to arrive at this goal allowed one to internalise personal and professional boundaries which as life continued became a way of life, examined and maintained by ongoing reflection and training.

The journey to quality boundaries begins with knowledge and understanding, reflection, and finally internalisation so that our boundaries pulsate and move with our way of being, our way of caring, and our way of being cared for.

TAG NEED FOR BOUNDARIES